CG: SO THIS IS THE FIRST VIDEO POST OF THE BUNCH.

[fuckity]

So, ummmmmm.

[ Cue a teenage boy addressing the network! Well, he's sort of like a teenage boy, if teenage boys were grey and had sharp nails and tiny candy corn horns. There are bags under his eyes like he hasn't slept in about, uh, a decade, and he rubs at one of them in irritation, his lips peeling back into a bit of a snarl. ]

What gives? Exactly? I sign up for one thing and get a-fucking-nother? What the everloving turd is up with that? Oh, hey, guys, Karkat's showed up, let's all change the rules and move everything around and really confuse everyone and shit! Haha! Thank you and fuck you very kindly!

[ He pauses a beat, face still screwed up into something irritated - 'tch', he punctuates everything with a glance off to the side and seems to be thinking hard about something. ]

I'm going to look for apple juice. Because I know some asshole and he never shuts the actual bleeding fuck up about apple juice. If I can find anything on this thing!!

Comments

video

[fuckity]

[ Karkat is not grinning. Karkat is anti-grin and taking this sarcasm at face value. ]

That's what I'm saying! What kind of bullshit invitation is that?

video

[patheticvillain]

I don't know, man, maybe you should write a letter of complaint?

video

[fuckity]

You don't understand the letters of complaints that I can scribe. They are fucking novellas, testaments of hatred to guilty parties who are in dire need of their own comeuppance! I don't fuck around with letters of complaint!

I might have to.

video

[patheticvillain]

Damn. Testaments of hatred. You know I don't think anyone's tried that one yet? Mostly it's just been a lot of impotent yelling. Write an opus, see what happens.

video

[fuckity]

Really? [ Damn, how can nobody have done the crabby customer type dealio yet? He looks even more persuaded. ]

See, that's how you get shit done. Wrigglers will sing songs of this. Quaking in their very boots. Opus, more like op- me.

video

[patheticvillain]

Do you want your awesomeness set to music? I can get started on the melody.

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[fuckity]

It's set to "Don't Stop Believing." It goes a little something like, Ka~rkat, is the gre~eatest-- So get down on your kne~ees, yeah--

[ It's a little known fact that Journey is a universal constant. ]

video; i am listening to journey right now tysm

[patheticvillain]

Ass~holes yelling in the void . . .

video; YOU ARE SO WELCOME

[fuckity]

WA-OHHHHHH.

[ His voice keeps cracking on the notes, it's adorable. ]

But seriously, I'm writing that damn letter. You can sing it, I'll figure out who I make it out to.

video

[patheticvillain]

[Oh my god, he's great, Cassel's keeping him.]

So I'm your minstrel, basically.

video

[fuckity]

[ Okay but Karkat only sleeps on velvet cushions and that's final! ]

That depends on if that means you're going to follow me around with like a fucking ukulele or something.

video

[patheticvillain]

I figured that was obvious.

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[fuckity]

Fuck you, offer rescinded.

video

[patheticvillain]

Wow, somebody hates ukuleles. I could play a kazoo instead.

video

[fuckity]

Fuck you twice! No, you know what, all annoying shows of merriment cancelled for the perigee, hypothetical or no.

video

[patheticvillain]

I have no idea how long a perigee is, gonna assume it's a second. Can I play my kazoo now?

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[fuckity]

Oh my god, do you even have a kazoo? If you have a kazoo I am going to eat my communicator right now.

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[patheticvillain]

You know that's not incentive for me not to have a kazoo, right?

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[fuckity]

You didn't answer my question. You totally don't have a fucking kazoo.

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[patheticvillain]

I could ask for one from my warden. He's a giving kinda guy.

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[fuckity]

Where the fuck do you even get a kazoo on a ship?

video

[patheticvillain]

Ask your warden for one and he'll ask the Admiral and the Admiral will make it happen. Poof. Magic.

Except not anymore, since he's incredibly high right now.

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[fuckity]

Okay, but let's try me cutting out the middle man and just be a warden instead. And then ask.

When he's not being shithive maggots crazypantstown.

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[patheticvillain]

You said 'you,' which is me, which means hey, not a warden.

. . . Really good description, though.

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[fuckity]

Oh. I thought we were going for the prophetic 'you' here, and, you know what, never mind.

Yes, thank you, I'm a master of vocabulary.