CG: SO THIS IS THE FIRST VIDEO POST OF THE BUNCH.

[fuckity]

So, ummmmmm.

[ Cue a teenage boy addressing the network! Well, he's sort of like a teenage boy, if teenage boys were grey and had sharp nails and tiny candy corn horns. There are bags under his eyes like he hasn't slept in about, uh, a decade, and he rubs at one of them in irritation, his lips peeling back into a bit of a snarl. ]

What gives? Exactly? I sign up for one thing and get a-fucking-nother? What the everloving turd is up with that? Oh, hey, guys, Karkat's showed up, let's all change the rules and move everything around and really confuse everyone and shit! Haha! Thank you and fuck you very kindly!

[ He pauses a beat, face still screwed up into something irritated - 'tch', he punctuates everything with a glance off to the side and seems to be thinking hard about something. ]

I'm going to look for apple juice. Because I know some asshole and he never shuts the actual bleeding fuck up about apple juice. If I can find anything on this thing!!

Comments

video

[patheticvillain]

Do you want your awesomeness set to music? I can get started on the melody.

video

[fuckity]

It's set to "Don't Stop Believing." It goes a little something like, Ka~rkat, is the gre~eatest-- So get down on your kne~ees, yeah--

[ It's a little known fact that Journey is a universal constant. ]

video; i am listening to journey right now tysm

[patheticvillain]

Ass~holes yelling in the void . . .

video; YOU ARE SO WELCOME

[fuckity]

WA-OHHHHHH.

[ His voice keeps cracking on the notes, it's adorable. ]

But seriously, I'm writing that damn letter. You can sing it, I'll figure out who I make it out to.

video

[patheticvillain]

[Oh my god, he's great, Cassel's keeping him.]

So I'm your minstrel, basically.

video

[fuckity]

[ Okay but Karkat only sleeps on velvet cushions and that's final! ]

That depends on if that means you're going to follow me around with like a fucking ukulele or something.

video

[patheticvillain]

I figured that was obvious.

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[fuckity]

Fuck you, offer rescinded.

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[patheticvillain]

Wow, somebody hates ukuleles. I could play a kazoo instead.

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[fuckity]

Fuck you twice! No, you know what, all annoying shows of merriment cancelled for the perigee, hypothetical or no.

video

[patheticvillain]

I have no idea how long a perigee is, gonna assume it's a second. Can I play my kazoo now?

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[fuckity]

Oh my god, do you even have a kazoo? If you have a kazoo I am going to eat my communicator right now.

video

[patheticvillain]

You know that's not incentive for me not to have a kazoo, right?

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[fuckity]

You didn't answer my question. You totally don't have a fucking kazoo.

video

[patheticvillain]

I could ask for one from my warden. He's a giving kinda guy.

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[fuckity]

Where the fuck do you even get a kazoo on a ship?

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[patheticvillain]

Ask your warden for one and he'll ask the Admiral and the Admiral will make it happen. Poof. Magic.

Except not anymore, since he's incredibly high right now.

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[fuckity]

Okay, but let's try me cutting out the middle man and just be a warden instead. And then ask.

When he's not being shithive maggots crazypantstown.

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[patheticvillain]

You said 'you,' which is me, which means hey, not a warden.

. . . Really good description, though.

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[fuckity]

Oh. I thought we were going for the prophetic 'you' here, and, you know what, never mind.

Yes, thank you, I'm a master of vocabulary.

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[patheticvillain]

You clearly did way better in English than I did. Which is impressive, considering the. [He gestures at his own head, about where horns would be.] Is English even your first language?

Include it in your letter. I might even write it down myself.

video

[fuckity]

[ What- oh. Karkat rubs at one of his nubs, almost self-consciously. ] Spoken, yeah. Written, no. Trolls are weird.

Well, if that's impressive, there's a whole cacophony of shit that I'll just occasionally rain down from the skies; just take your pick.

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[patheticvillain]

Is the answer to "what the hell does that mean" an interesting one or should I just not ask?

So basically I'll be following you around with a tape recorder.

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[fuckity]

Uhhh, not particularly. [ He holds up two fingers. ] Wrigglers learn two written languages in the school hive, [ and he ticks each off, ] English, and Alternian. Alternian being native, English being the most commonly used fucking language in the universe.

Nope, you can't just record this shit for prosperity. You've got to suck this down, glean what you can and follow the world-weary quest of hoping to recreate the monstrosities that escape my protein chute and being basically doomed for eternal failure.

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[patheticvillain]

Seriously? The more you know. I hope Alternian spelling makes more sense.

If I can be second best I might die happy. Make me your disciple.