CG: SO THIS IS THE FIRST VIDEO POST OF THE BUNCH.

[fuckity]

So, ummmmmm.

[ Cue a teenage boy addressing the network! Well, he's sort of like a teenage boy, if teenage boys were grey and had sharp nails and tiny candy corn horns. There are bags under his eyes like he hasn't slept in about, uh, a decade, and he rubs at one of them in irritation, his lips peeling back into a bit of a snarl. ]

What gives? Exactly? I sign up for one thing and get a-fucking-nother? What the everloving turd is up with that? Oh, hey, guys, Karkat's showed up, let's all change the rules and move everything around and really confuse everyone and shit! Haha! Thank you and fuck you very kindly!

[ He pauses a beat, face still screwed up into something irritated - 'tch', he punctuates everything with a glance off to the side and seems to be thinking hard about something. ]

I'm going to look for apple juice. Because I know some asshole and he never shuts the actual bleeding fuck up about apple juice. If I can find anything on this thing!!

Comments

[fuckity]

[ He actually looks vaguely offended by that one, pauses a moment and leans in closer to the screen to bare his teeth. ]

Fucking try me.

[mistconduct]

....Well, to begin, I fucking had braces and you didn't.

I mean, jesus christ.

[fuckity]

[ Nope, this joke is lost on him. ]

- Like for your legs or what?

[mistconduct]

For your teeth, dumbass.

[fuckity]

Well, how the fuck am I supposed to know! Why would you put them on your teeth?

[mistconduct]

Well, for one thing, they'd do it to correct your horrible fucking overbite.

[fuckity]

Fuck you about that, my teeth are fucking fine! They chew and everything!

[mistconduct]

You look like a goddamn gopher.

[fuckity]

[ His chest literally- PUFFS UP in indignant anger. ]

And you look like a spritely gangly elf traversing the beautiful flowered countryside but you don't see me crying about it!

[mistconduct]

...Okay, fuck you. I look nothing like a fucking elf.

[fuckity]

[ nope ignoring that ]

Made entirely of limbs and false promises, the elf prances its way through life in deeply-seeded naivety.

[mistconduct]

Are you fucking high? The shit are you talking about?

[fuckity]

Okay, fine, he's a retard on top of everything else; you could have just told me.

[mistconduct]

I'm not an elf!

[fuckity]

No shit, Sherlock Trollmes. No more than I'm a fucking gopher.

[mistconduct]

FINE! Fine! You're not a gopher! Jesus christ!

[fuckity]

Well, fucking fine! [ victory. ]

[ And then a beat. ]

What the hell were we talking about again?

[mistconduct]

...Dude, I honestly have no goddamn idea.

[fuckity]

Okay, good, because it was probably something utterly off the walls stupid.

[ He pauses begrudgingly, one of the corners of his mouth pulling into a grimace. ] I'm sorry I implied you were some psycho murderer, I guess.

[mistconduct]

...Yeah. Sorry I said you looked like a gopher, or whatever.

My name's Chris.

[fuckity]

Hah! I'm still not sorry about the elf thing.

It's Karkat.

[mistconduct]

Yeah, well, what the fuck ever, man. Elves don't have black hair.

Car-cat. Jesus.

[fuckity]

What? What the fuck elves are you looking at?

It's just Karkat. It's okay, I'm not your human lord and savior, I don't have the hair for it. [ Ha! Ha ha! He thinks he's hilarious at least. ]

[mistconduct]

...Lord of the Rings...?

No, not Jesus jesus, ass. I mean. I'm expressing disbelief at your stupid fucking name.

[fuckity]

I don't care whatever masteries of jewelry they've honed, elves can totally have black fucking hair!

[ what oh HEY ] There's nothing wrong with my name! It's a fucking name, it's not Chris. Like Chris my ass, you fuck, because Karkat is a name.