fuckity | CG: SO THIS IS THE FIRST VIDEO POST OF THE BUNCH.

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CG: SO THIS IS THE FIRST VIDEO POST OF THE BUNCH.

So, ummmmmm.

[ Cue a teenage boy addressing the network! Well, he's sort of like a teenage boy, if teenage boys were grey and had sharp nails and tiny candy corn horns. There are bags under his eyes like he hasn't slept in about, uh, a decade, and he rubs at one of them in irritation, his lips peeling back into a bit of a snarl. ]

What gives? Exactly? I sign up for one thing and get a-fucking-nother? What the everloving turd is up with that? Oh, hey, guys, Karkat's showed up, let's all change the rules and move everything around and really confuse everyone and shit! Haha! Thank you and fuck you very kindly!

[ He pauses a beat, face still screwed up into something irritated - 'tch', he punctuates everything with a glance off to the side and seems to be thinking hard about something. ]

I'm going to look for apple juice. Because I know some asshole and he never shuts the actual bleeding fuck up about apple juice. If I can find anything on this thing!!

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You look like a goddamn gopher.

Not a lot, no, but you might like it. Mindfang liked the lemon-flavoured while she were 'ere - dunno if that might be a species thing or just 'er, though.

You've got a flair for turn of phrase and all, I loved that about 'er.

What's wrong with coconuts? [ She thinks they're pretty good. Although they do sound vaguely dirty. ]

Assuming none of the pieces are potential weapons, yes. Everything's been nailed to the floor, too.

I wouldn't be surprised if it was just to piss us off.

How'd you like a tour? I'm feeling a bit restless. [Her tower is half its size and her security system has been gutted. She wouldn't mind leaving for a while.]

[ ...Well, bro, you got dealt a rough deal; Karkat kind of minorly winces at that one. ] Okay, why- in the everloving shitfuck would they do that.

I think I'll skip crazed animal for some other week. For now- [ He pauses a beat, and then begrudgingly, ] Thanks, I guess. [ Gonna pour himself a glass of this shit for now. ]

[ His chest literally- PUFFS UP in indignant anger. ]

And you look like a spritely gangly elf traversing the beautiful flowered countryside but you don't see me crying about it!

I paid him to. I had a real pressing need to see in the dark at the time.

[His mouth quirks, tense but not at his visitor. He kicks back, leaning his hip against a counter to watch the verdict.]

We're not quite sure what this is, really.

...Okay, fuck you. I look nothing like a fucking elf.

Ha. The very cherry on top of a fuck you sundae.

[ He looks a bit surprised by the offer of a tour - humans, as his studies tend to go, seem inherently helpful towards their peers, and it's a constant source of novelty to him. ] That depends. Just how familiar are you with the premises? Because like shit am I going around toting some lost soul until we traverse the area only enough to trip across some murderous, horned hoofbeast hidden within the heart of this place.

[ Nailed it. ] They sound obscene and dusty.

Well, that's just common sense. Some asshat can't just march his way in and make with the table-flipping ragefit of childishness. [ He doesn't know anything about those. ]

[ He snorts a little at the compliment, scratching at the side of his head. ] I know, my think pan to seed flap tubing is rife with vocabularical prowess.

[ But there's a name in there that's catching his attention, and not in the way that it's supposed to. Quite frankly, he doesn't give a shit about any of this historical, ancestor-y nonsense and doesn't know a thing about the true meaning behind the name. But he still recognizes it very well, and his eyes widen a tick. ] Whoa. Hold the fuck on one second, you're telling me the spiderbitch was here?

Yeah, uh, that was kinda implied by the whole 'surprise to us all' bit. That doesn't mean conjecture is out of the question, assuming you've got more experience here than me. Which is five fucking minutes.

You paid- [ He huffs out a breath. ] Wow, okay, sympathy gone out the goddamn window. Ever heard of a flashlight, pal?

[ Upon inspection, the liquid appears to be amber and entirely disgusting-looking. Like yellow-blooded piss in a jar. Whatever, Karkat's gingerly picking up the glass and knocking back a hearty sip, and- ]

[ BLUH no wait it's actually pretty damn tasty. ] The fuck have I been missing out on?

[ nope ignoring that ]

Made entirely of limbs and false promises, the elf prances its way through life in deeply-seeded naivety.

Yeah, but now I can see the IR spectrum and levels of light not even a lot of animals can. It's fucking fantastic, wouldn't trade it for the world.

[You get a goggle-tap salute, sweary new bargian.]

...so where are you from that fruit juice isn't a thing.

Are you fucking high? The shit are you talking about?

Okay, fine, he's a retard on top of everything else; you could have just told me.

I'm not an elf!

Really. [ He sounds fairly impressed. ] Okay, but you still can't see colors. The entire world looks like an angsty adolescent's photography collection, and that is gross.

[ A small, bit of a wistful sigh. ] I don't suppose you've ever heard of Alternia?

No shit, Sherlock Trollmes. No more than I'm a fucking gopher.

I don't see the colors I used to. Now I see heat blooms, chills, UV sources, hidden things. Nah, it's good.

[Frown, head tip.]

Not a planet I ever ran into.

FINE! Fine! You're not a gopher! Jesus christ!

...Okay, fuck, that is pretty cool. [ Dammit. ] "Hidden things," do you have, like, freaking x-ray vision?

As expected. Well, it's a fucking smoke-encrusted rock slab now, so I guess you missed out on your chance. Sorry, bro.

Nah, nothing like that. Just there's some minerals, some plants that have patterns I couldn't ever see before. They pick up different kinds of light.

Not that I get to see a lot of that around here. [He waves at the mostly metal surroundings.]

Yeah, planet where I was born is kind of a bombed out shithole, too. Cheers. More juice?

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