fuckity | CG: SO THIS IS THE FIRST VIDEO POST OF THE BUNCH.

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CG: SO THIS IS THE FIRST VIDEO POST OF THE BUNCH.

So, ummmmmm.

[ Cue a teenage boy addressing the network! Well, he's sort of like a teenage boy, if teenage boys were grey and had sharp nails and tiny candy corn horns. There are bags under his eyes like he hasn't slept in about, uh, a decade, and he rubs at one of them in irritation, his lips peeling back into a bit of a snarl. ]

What gives? Exactly? I sign up for one thing and get a-fucking-nother? What the everloving turd is up with that? Oh, hey, guys, Karkat's showed up, let's all change the rules and move everything around and really confuse everyone and shit! Haha! Thank you and fuck you very kindly!

[ He pauses a beat, face still screwed up into something irritated - 'tch', he punctuates everything with a glance off to the side and seems to be thinking hard about something. ]

I'm going to look for apple juice. Because I know some asshole and he never shuts the actual bleeding fuck up about apple juice. If I can find anything on this thing!!

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Oh, well, thank you very much, my eyes have been thoroughly fucking opened on this matter. [ Can you hear that sarcasm? It's potent. ]

What's so nice about a dumb room? No, you know what, tell me: Is this supposed ambrosia so fantastic as I've been hearing? Because I've heard songs (read: whinings) of it crowed for fucking days in my general direction.

Glad to be of service. [ Look at how many fucks she gives! Not a single one. Not a one in the world. ]

They've taken away everything else that made this place bearable, just about.

...Isn't ambrosia like, orange juice and coconut? I've never had it, but it sounds good.

Specify? It's not like I have anything to compare it to. [ And the last 'ship' he was on sure had a hell of a lot less than this place, from what he understands so far. ]

... Ew. What? Food of the motherfucking gods, it means, a clown told me. What kind of shitfest food would orange juice and coconuts be? A really shitty fest.

Sure, there's that. [ She rolls her eyes. ] But people make a drink called ambrosia too. You know, a real thing that actually exists?

[ But back to that first question. ]

There used to be a bar, a pool, a spa, a special training room... All sorts of cool things.

But it's orange juice and fucking coconuts. [ What is a coconut, actually, it sounds foul and mildly explicit. ] How is that an ambrosia?

[ Oh, that's actually rough. He assumes, he wasn't really hear to experience it, but, hey, things to do are things to do. ] The hell does that leave left? Fucking board games?

What's wrong with coconuts? [ She thinks they're pretty good. Although they do sound vaguely dirty. ]

Assuming none of the pieces are potential weapons, yes. Everything's been nailed to the floor, too.

[ Nailed it. ] They sound obscene and dusty.

Well, that's just common sense. Some asshat can't just march his way in and make with the table-flipping ragefit of childishness. [ He doesn't know anything about those. ]

They're excellent and make really cute bras. [ In which case they are vaguely obscene and a little dusty. ]

We don't actually get a whole lot of literal table flipping. Most of our childish rage fits involve significantly more violent murder.

[ What- oh. ] Your human sac-holding baskets, I never understood those.

Well, that's easy - they probably care more about the tables than us.

Obviously.

I'm Steph. Welcome to the barge.

Thanks? I think? Should I be thanking you? I mean, you don't even have a bar anymore. [ A beat. ] I'm Karkat.

Hey, it's not my fault we don't have a bar. Blame the Admiral for being legitimately insane.

Is that who I'm writing my letter of complaint to? The insane person who is somehow in charge?

Pretty much. Nobody else who can actually do anything.

Tell me, how long has this asshole been in charge? And crazily so, for that matter.

Forever, as far as I'm aware. Although I can tell you he's significantly more crazy right now than he has been in the two or three years I've been here.

Without so much as a mutiny?

[ Another beat, and then: ] You've been here that long?

Oh no, there's been tons of mutiny. The last mutiny ended in an awesome beach vacation. [ Risa was great, man. Kirk is the best. ]

Yeah. Still haven't managed to graduate anyone.

But none of them seemed to have stuck- [ Wait, did she say. ] Beach vacation?

Yeah? Shit luck with inmates or are you just not very good at it?

Yup. One of the wardens took over the wheel and took us to a resort planet. [ IT WAS GREAT. ]

Bad luck, mostly.

Bets on when the next time that happens is?

Sounds pretty fucking frustrating. How the hell do you move past that?

I never make bets around here. Stuff's too random.

Years of experience with failure.

Good. Bets are for poopy wrigglers and adults with fucking problems.

Well, at least you're honest about it.

'Poopy wrigglers'? [ No, seriously? That is the most ridiculous thing she has ever heard. ]

Anyway, people make mistakes. That's kind of what this place is about. Nobody's perfect.

[ And he'd be awfully proud of that. As it is now, he just lets out an impatient sort of 'tsk' before he elucidates: ] You'd call them 'babies'. Babies that shit hard in their little diapers.

Yeah, I suppose. The point therein being to get them a little more perfect than they're already flying, though.

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ichoosefight - 2013-04-05 15:49 (UTC) - Expand

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fuckity - 2013-04-10 01:45 (UTC) - Expand

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