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CG: SO THIS IS THE FIRST VIDEO POST OF THE BUNCH.

So, ummmmmm.

[ Cue a teenage boy addressing the network! Well, he's sort of like a teenage boy, if teenage boys were grey and had sharp nails and tiny candy corn horns. There are bags under his eyes like he hasn't slept in about, uh, a decade, and he rubs at one of them in irritation, his lips peeling back into a bit of a snarl. ]

What gives? Exactly? I sign up for one thing and get a-fucking-nother? What the everloving turd is up with that? Oh, hey, guys, Karkat's showed up, let's all change the rules and move everything around and really confuse everyone and shit! Haha! Thank you and fuck you very kindly!

[ He pauses a beat, face still screwed up into something irritated - 'tch', he punctuates everything with a glance off to the side and seems to be thinking hard about something. ]

I'm going to look for apple juice. Because I know some asshole and he never shuts the actual bleeding fuck up about apple juice. If I can find anything on this thing!!

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Well, fucking fine! [ victory. ]

[ And then a beat. ]

What the hell were we talking about again?

...Dude, I honestly have no goddamn idea.

[ He shrugs a shoulder, gesturing to Riddick with a clawed hand. ] And now there's resorting to the different threading patterns on tiny steel screws, so congratulations on that one. At least you're not really fuckin' missing out on any colors here.

It- yeah. [ He touches a hand to the jug of juice - this stuff really isn't half bad - as he looks up at Riddick with a bit of surprise on his face. His eyes narrow before he takes any more of the juice, morbidly curious. ] What happened to yours?

Okay, good, because it was probably something utterly off the walls stupid.

[ He pauses begrudgingly, one of the corners of his mouth pulling into a grimace. ] I'm sorry I implied you were some psycho murderer, I guess.

...Yeah. Sorry I said you looked like a gopher, or whatever.

My name's Chris.

[Oh, he's very small. This tiny person is a warden. Why? Chin, meet hands.]

Apple juice? Now?

[He doesn't sound annoyed or baffled, just amused.]

I figured that was obvious.

Furya? Some soldier in the local death cult got shitty about some prophecy about a Furyan killing him and wasted the planet. That was years ago, now. Thirtysomeodd. I wasn't exactly old enough to remember much. [He makes a shape with his hands, like he's holding a bundle about a foot long.]

What happened with yours?

They're excellent and make really cute bras. [ In which case they are vaguely obscene and a little dusty. ]

We don't actually get a whole lot of literal table flipping. Most of our childish rage fits involve significantly more violent murder.

[Iris doesn't know enough about their species history to have expected any particular reaction; she was just counting on there being one, and she's not disappointed.]

She weren't 'ere for long. Ships that passed in the night, if you'll forgive me a bit of a cliché.

[She sighs, wistful and a little tender.]

...We 'it it off pretty well, her an' me.

Fuck you, offer rescinded.

Wow, somebody hates ukuleles. I could play a kazoo instead.

Jesus, when you were just a wriggler. [ His hands plant on his hips thoughtfully before he speaks up again. ] Some asshole kids played a game that ended up raining meteors down on the whole planet, the place got fucking wrecked.

I guess I kind of initiated it.

Hah! I'm still not sorry about the elf thing.

It's Karkat.

Yeah, well, what the fuck ever, man. Elves don't have black hair.

Car-cat. Jesus.

[ What- oh. ] Your human sac-holding baskets, I never understood those.

Well, that's easy - they probably care more about the tables than us.

... Interesting game.

Obviously.

I'm Steph. Welcome to the barge.

[ Karkat, on the other hand, does sound mildly annoyed with him. But then that's kind of a permanent thing and nothing personal. ]

Yes, now, why not? I'm here and there's apple juice.

Oh, because of her- [ He waves a hand, vaguely. ] Pirate. [ Was she keeping that up here? ]

[ Apparently the ship has some kind of resurrection function. Not surprising, with its caliber of guests. Karkat looks mildly surprised by the latter comment. ]

You two? Really? I didn't think she got along with anyone.

Thanks? I think? Should I be thanking you? I mean, you don't even have a bar anymore. [ A beat. ] I'm Karkat.

What? What the fuck elves are you looking at?

It's just Karkat. It's okay, I'm not your human lord and savior, I don't have the hair for it. [ Ha! Ha ha! He thinks he's hilarious at least. ]

...Lord of the Rings...?

No, not Jesus jesus, ass. I mean. I'm expressing disbelief at your stupid fucking name.

"Interesting," more like "get fucked!" Tell me, if you win a game and you're promised, like, the grand primo prize at the end of it, you should fucking GET it, right?

That depends on if the rules of the game involve my planet blowing up, because then I might not actually want to play.

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